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About Nonviolent Communication

 

Have you ever:

  • planned what to say and then said something else

  • said something that you regretted in the next minute

  • wanted to protect your interest, but rather said nothing

  • been told "you don't understand me"

  • felt You are not understood ?

 

I am asking all these because they are all situations where Nonviolent Communication (NVC) can help you, and where it helps me in my every day interactions.

 

At first sight it looks like a communication method, but for me it is rather an attitude or a way of looking at things.

 

The main point of this attitude is: the other person is exactly as important as I am. Not more, and not less. And let's turn it the other way: I am exactly as important as the other person. Not less. (And of course not more.)

 

It looks simple but in practice it not always is. How shall I take the other person into consideration without repressing what is important for me? And if I finally decide to promote my interest, how can I not oppress the other person?

 

This is where NVC can be of help.

 

Because there is a 4-step-technique at the base of the attitude which gives a model for expressing ourselves.  And for "hearing" and understanding others no matter how they express themselves.

 

Beyond the information content, PLEASE or THANK YOU is always included in each message. It is worth "hearing" it though sometimes it is extremely hard.

 

For example, when someone criticizes, blames or questions you, PLEASE is always there. If he shouts at you, it is there too. If he stays silent when you keep asking him/her, it is there too.

 

And when I criticize the other person, my PLEASE is there too. Which means it is usually more efficient not to say what comes out of me at first but to say what I would like to ASK.

 

The main strength of the method can be found in identifying our needs. If we go deep enough, we find we are alike, and our needs are identical too. If we go deep enough, natural compassion is born. Natural compassion is a capability of all of us.

 

If you would like to come with me on this way, which leads to a more peaceful and harmonious world, I would be happy to see you on a private session or later on a training.

 

If you would like to read about Nonviolent Communication, I can recommend you Marshall Rosenberg's book: "Nonviolent Communication: A language of compassion"

 


 

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